Spuds & Innapropriate Canoodling
by itsliz
Summary: Potatoes. Bade. T for language i guess idk just read and find out!


**disclaimer: i dont own victorious**

**A/N: Before you read, please know that i am almost positive i am literally insane and i cannot be held accountable for any of the weirdness that crosses through my mind. Yes, i wrote a story centered around bade and potatoes. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Anyways im sorry in advanced idk how this even happened...i was just doing my math hw at 11:30 last night and eating salad in my room and i was like wow i wish this salad was potato salad and so yeah. U didn't ask but i told you. Also sorry for my repeated use of the words potato and spud. idk any other potato names. ENJOYYYYY(:**

Beck woke up to the early morning birds chirping outside his RV. He looked around as he gained consciousness, and smiled when he realized Jade was next to him, still fast asleep. His smile widened as he remembered the night before. Then he checked the clock and saw that it was 7 am. Why the hell was he up so early? All he knew was that he was insanely energetic, almost hyper, for no good reason. He wanted to wake up Jade, but Lord knows that was not an option on Saturday morning. So being the perfect boyfriend he was, he slipped out of bed and quietly changed before heading out to the coffee shop to surprise Jade when she woke up. He was waiting for the black coffee with two sugars when he saw it:

**IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN!**

**THE POTATO HARVEST IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER! **

**DON'T MISS THE FIRST SPUDS OF THE SEASON BEING PICKED!**

**COME ON DOWN TO GREYSON'S FARM FOR A DAY YOU'LL NEVER FORGET!**

Beck couldn't even read the flyer with a straight face. He knew what had to be done.

Jade woke up to an eager Beck shaking her. God what was going on? "Beckkkk" she moaned, and rolled over to see the clock. "It's 8 in the morning. On Saturday! Go awayyyyy"

It was no use. He simply dragged her out of bed and set her upright in front of him. "Not a chance, I'm taking you somewhere today!"

"Where?"

"It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises."

"You don't even know what it is yet!"

"Will I hate it?"

"Probably." Beck said, answering honestly. Jade looked confused because if he was trying to persuade her to go somewhere with him, why would he tell her she was going to hate it? "But that's half the fun!" he finished. All Jade's former confusion was replaced with annoyance.

"Yeah no thanks. I'll pass."

"I don't really think that's a choice, now is it?"

"What do you mean?" Beck just responded by picking her up, ignoring her protests, and walking towards the door.

"Wait Beck at least let me get dressed!" He sighed but granted her request. She quickly brushed her hair, did her makeup and changed out of her pajamas. Then he quickly snatched her up before she could get any escape routes planned out. He put her in the passenger seat of the car and then walked around into the driver's seat. He started driving, and eventually tuned out Jade's constant "Are we there yet?" This was going to be a hilarious day.

As the couple pulled into the farm, Jade's mouth literally dropped open in disbelief. Beck struggled to contain his laughter as he parked his truck in the grassy field.

"You. Can't. Be. Serious."

"Oh, but I am." Beck said with an evil grin.

"No. No fucking way am I spending my entire Saturday at a FARM. This is where animals live. Animals are gross and they sleep in the same dirty hay and mud every night, not to mention they smell like sh-"

"Babe!" Beck cut her off. "This is a potato farm!"

"Oh. Well okay then it won't be that bad!"

"Seriously?" That had been too easy.

"No you jerkoff! Now take me home!" Ah, he knew it.

"Not so fast, let's look around, see the sights, and take it all in."

"Okay, hmm….field…field…field…yep I'm done let's bounce."

"No Jade you have to get out of the car, there's games and stuff!"

"And what if I don't?" She challenged.

"Then I will not buy you coffee all week." He really hoped this would convince her because honestly, a coffee-less Jade was a punishment to EVERYONE. He could see the wheels working in her brain and she finally sighed and looked defeated.

"Alright fine. I'll go to your stupid potato gathering ceremony, but I will _not_ enjoy it."

That was all he needed. He bounded out of the car and around to her side. He reached for the door but she ignored him, and quickly swung it open, narrowly missing him. She stepped out...and right into a huge mud puddle. She gasped as the cold mud soaked through her shoes.

"You're an idiot." Was all she said before walking deeper into the farm, not really sure where she was going, just away from _him._

Jade eventually stopped walking when she got to a sign with activities on it. There had to be something here worth her time... Potato eating contest. NO. Potato sack race. NO. Paint-a-Potato. HELL NO. What was wrong with these people? She shook her head in disbelief and out of the corner of her eye she saw a rotund old woman dropped to her knees, bowing to a large sculpture of guess what? A potato. Jade quickly looked away, but the image was already burned in her brain. This was seriously too weird. She sighed and skimmed the board hopelessly one last time when she saw the perfect activity. Chuck-a-Spud.

Ten minutes later she had dragged Beck to a bright blue tent with a happy man wearing a top hat standing beside it. "Hello kids! Welcome to-"

"Okay let me stop you right there. We aren't kids. And I could really do without the goofy voice and fake smiles, due to the fact that, oh yeah, I'm not a kid!" Beck winced at Jade's rudeness, but internally he was amused. He tried not to show it though; the poor man had been humiliated enough.

"I-I'm-I" He stuttered, obviously thrown by Jade's harsh words.

"Yeah yeah just give me some spuds." He hastily handed Jade an entire crate of potatoes before he ran away, I could see pee trickling down his leg. Jade seemed to have that effect on the weak. Jade stumbled under the weight of the wooden crate, and Beck quickly grabbed it just as her arms were about to give out.

"I could've held it." She said.

"I know." Beck answered, not wanting to make her any angrier. "So" He said, changing the subject, "Why the sudden urge to play Chuck-a-Spud?"

"Well actually," Jade said with a devilish smirk on her lips, "It's not that sudden. I have kind of been wanting to do this since I woke up this morning." And with that Jade grabbed a potato in both hands and threw them at Beck with all her strength. Then she grabbed two more and did the same.

"Ow Jade stop!" He yelled, those veggies were HARD. "Jade!" He couldn't really do anything as he was still holding all the potatoes, basically just handing her the weapon she was using to pelt him with repeatedly. She just continued to throw them, and she started to smile. Her smile turned into a giggle, which morphed into downright hysterical laughter. Her laugh was the most beautiful sound in his world. For a second he forgot to feel the pain of those rock hard spuds bouncing off his body and just soaked up her gorgeous laugh. Then he took a potato to the head and was snapped back into reality. He went into self defense mode and dropped the box he was holding. Then he reached into it and pulled out 5 potatoes, his hands were much larger than Jade's so he could hold more. He then began to toss them lightly at her. He really didn't want to hurt her, and he knew he could with these lethal weapons, but if she knew he was going half-ass she would just throw harder. So he let them hit her as softly as possible while she showed him ZERO mercy. This went on for a few more minutes until they both bent down to grab more ammunition, and realized there was none left.

"Dammit, I was about to win!" Jade exclaimed exasperated. She was about to say more when she looked up and saw Beck, doubled over in laughter, his entire frame shaking. "What's so funny?" She asked, but she started giggling before she finished the question. Pretty soon she was dying of laughter, and she reached out to hold on to him in support. He was weak in the knees, and they toppled over. Jade ended up laying diagonal across Beck, her legs on the left of his, but her head on his right shoulder. They lay there in their fit of hysterics until they were both exhausted and had tears in their eyes.

"Babe, you realize you just abused me with _potatoes."_

"No, the game was called Chuck-a-_Spud."_

"Exactly, not Chuck-a-Spud-at-your-BOYFRIEND!"

"Well yeah, I got a bit creative."

"I'm going to have bruises for a week."

"Don't be such a baby." She said, but she rolled over to plant a sweet kiss on his lips. "Better?" she asked in her innocent voice. Like she hadn't just been assaulting him. Typical Jade. But he couldn't get enough.

"Not quite." He whispered, suddenly intense, and brought his hand to the back of her neck to bring her lips back down to his own. He kissed her softly at first, but soon enough they were full on making out. His hands were knotted in her hair and he could feel the weight of her body pressing down on him. Her breathing came in staggered gasps, and he shifted underneath her, causing her to groan against his mouth. He would've had her right then and there; truly he had forgotten everything besides the way she was completely connected to him, until he heard someone clear their throat.

They both looked up, and it appeared there little scene had drawn quite a crowd. But more importantly was the old man in overalls and plaid, looking down over them. "You teenagers, so disrespectful! You come to my farm, you waste my potatoes, you scar my innocent children with your inappropriate canoodling!"

Now, Beck was usually very responsible, trustworthy, respectful, etc. But this he just couldn't resist. He stood up and pulled Jade with him. Then he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "RUN!"

Jade took off without hesitation, after all _she_ was the rebellious one. Beck was close behind, and soon was passing her, but made sure not to get too far ahead. They flat out sprinted, ignoring Farmer Greyson's angry "You rotten hoodlums!"

When they reached Beck's truck they jumped in, and Beck drove away at lightning speed, until they were out of the farm and on the road. He pulled over then, out of breath. Both of them were winded, and as they sat their trying to calm their heart rates, they realized their heavy breathing was in sync, which made them start to laugh _again._ Beck couldn't remember the last time Jade had laughed this much in a day, and he felt a twinge of pride knowing he was the one who could make her this happy. Finally they quieted, and Beck started the drive home. "So, did you end up enjoying yourself?" He asked smugly, already knowing the answer, whether she chose to admit it or not.

"Not at all." She answered, but there was a small smile playing on her perfect lips.

"Was it the worst day of your life?" Beck pressed.

"Absolutely. Oh, and I hate you."

"I love you too babe, I love you too."

**A/N: REVIEW OR ILL FIND YOU HEHEHEHEHE...sorry...ahem...review if you feel inclined(:**


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